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 | | From: | dragonlady | | Subject: | Re: bras for an 11-year-old | | Date: | Wed, 12 Jan 2005 16:50:45 GMT |
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 | In article <1105386777.272614.246040@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com>,
sandra-lynn0@excite.com wrote:
> I got her the best bras I could find. And I make her wear one cause she
> needs it. Sometimes a mother has to do things her daughter doesn't
> like.
> Sandra
But why does she "need" a bra? What does it do for her that is
positive? And why is it something you need to "own", instead of letting
her own the decision about what sort of undergarments she wears?
I suspect your only answer will be because when a girl reaches a certain
size, she needs to wear a bra -- but that doesn't answer the question:
why? I'm old enough to remember the delightful sense of freedom when we
"burned our bras". I loved being able to choose whether or not to wear
one. (I also remember discovering that some activities were more
comfortable with one. These days, I wear one most of the time -- but
not always.)
I, too, had one daughter who didn't want to start wearing bras, and I
know it isn't that uncommon. (I think it may have to do with being
embarrassed about their development, and feeling like wearing a bra will
draw attention to that -- but that's just a guess on my part, and I have
nothing to back it up.) I didn't make her wear one, because it didn't
make sense to me to turn that particular issue into a power struggle. I
had not chosen my children's clothing in a long time, and didn't see any
benefit to starting now. I did, however, talk to her about the possible
benefits of wearing one:
1 - she was large enough (I don't remember how big when we started the
conversation, but by 8th grade she was a double D) so NOT having the
extra support could become painful during some sorts of physical
activities.
2 - wearing a bra would reduce the bouncing -- and she was being subject
to a certain amount of harrassment at school about how much she bounced.
3 - she was embarrassed about her size, and some bras could minimize the
appearance of her bust size.
At that time, she was also choosing to wear very loose clothing, and
often several layers; this is very common among girls this age -- so it
wasn't necessary to have a long conversation about the potential for
problems with strange men in public places -- though when she stopped
wearing loose clothing, we had that conversation, too.
Then I left the subject alone. Eventually, she asked for one, and for
quite some time, she was most comfortable in a sports bra -- no clips to
deal with, they fit tightly and tended to minimize her size. She still
doesn't like wearing underwires -- and it is sometimes difficult to find
bras in her size that DON'T have underwires. Though now she's old
enough to be buying her own, her kid sister is even larger, so I'm still
in the business of having to find them; I, too, find underwires
terribly uncomfortable, and most bras that are built with them don't fit
right if you just take the underwire out. I've discovered that the
CHEAPER bras are more comfortable than the more expensive ones.
Basically, all of the advice I've read here, including mine, is the
same: there is no reason to force an 11 year old to wear clothing that
is uncomfortable. No one actually "needs" a bra -- it isn't a health or
safety issue -- so let it go.
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care
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